Anger is a normal human emotion that has helped our species to survive. Indeed, expressing anger when faced with a threat, criticism or frustration is actually a healthy response, and should be encouraged. However, when anger turns to rage and impairs one's thinking or judgment, it becomes a negative emotion that causes the person to act unreasonably and irrationally. This can have an especially negative impact on one’s family when parents constantly deal with their children in an angry way. It is very easy for parents to lose their cool when faced with kids who are noisy, distracting, naughty, childish or basically just being children. However, parents need to be made aware that lashing out at their kids can be very damaging to the children's psyches, and many often end up being less empathetic, more depressed and more aggressive than other children.
Do you find yourself yelling at your kids, rather than speaking in a calm tone to them? Do you feel your blood pressure skyrocket and lose your temper when they aren’t following directions? If you feel like your reactions to your kid’s behavior are getting out of control, it’s time to try the following tips and enroll yourself in an online anger management class just for parents.
1) Take a few deep breaths before responding
This may sound obvious, but when faced with a situation at home that triggers an angry response, it is important to take a few deep breaths so as to restore your calm and help you better face the situation.
2) Get some distance
It is important to withdraw from the anger-fuelling situation with your child or children and either retreat to your bedroom or go out into the yard for a few minutes. This helps the initial hot anger to subside when regrettable things are often said or done. It gives everyone some time to cool off when calmer heads can prevail.
3) Set terms
It is important to set terms regarding how a conflict-prone situation is to be handled. This includes setting the time and place this will be done, thus giving everyone a chance to prepare for it and engage in the discussion in a levelheaded manner. The amount of time you will spend on the discussion should be pre-planned. This amount of time should not be too long so the discussion doesn’t have the opportunity to degenerate into a full-blown conflict. Finally, think about who should be present during the discussion, in case a mediator is required to keep everything civil.
4) Change your expectations
Expectations refer to our perception of the child's behavior. Don’t give up, but it might be time to realize we are expecting too much and learn to accept certain age appropriate behaviors. Also, change the self-talk that leaves us thinking the child is deliberately behaving in such a way as to upset us. For example, we may conclude that the baby is crying on purpose so as to spite us, or that his bigger brother spilt his milk on purpose to annoy us. Once we realize many behaviors that make us angry are actually acceptable for the age, we will be able to deal with the situation without getting angry.
5) Putting things down in writing
With children who are old enough to read, it may help to put our feelings in writing, as we may be too angry to speak. Writing can be a very therapeutic process and what one actually does write is often not as hurtful as it would have been had they lashed out instead.
6) Take an anger management class for parents
Online anger management class just for parents are available from any web-based computer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. A busy parent can conveniently fit them into their schedule during their lunch hour, after dinner or on a weekend. They are low in cost and quality classes are available that are designed by licensed and practicing psychotherapists. They give detailed instructions on how to improve our parenting skills and how to better control our anger and stress when dealing with our kids.
Continuously directing anger at your children can have permanent damaging effects over time. Parents have the ability to change this behavior to improve relationships and create a healthier home environment. This is something that you can do for yourself, your kids and your husband that will positively impact your entire life.